Sunday, December 13, 2009

The Top 25 Movies of the Aughties: 20-16

Wassup, Hepcats!
So a change in schedule - we're gonna bust these out five at a time for the next few days instead of in one lump sum. Or two lump sums. Can you have two lump sums?
25-19 is here.
And 20-16 is here:

20. Minority Report (2002):

First Impression: Like with any Tom Cruise movie, I had to will myself to forget he was in it. And this was before he started jumping on black ladies' couches. More than any other actor of our time, he is incapable of disappearing into a role. Even in Magnolia, you're watching him, thinking, "Wow, Tom Cruise is really good here." Or in Tropic Thunder, with a big old fat suit, you think, "Wow, Tom Cruise with a big old fat suit is being really funny!" Anyway, here, you think, "Hey, this Tom Cruise movie is really good!" Also, I remember being kinda bummed that his character wasn't named John Minority. I may have placed a wager with someone on that.

Best Line:
Director Burgess: You don't have to run, John.
John Anderton: You don't have to chase me.

"Holy Shit!" Moment: A lot of good effects shots here. I liked the robot bugs best though.

Pretty Girls: Not so much. Samantha Morton can be kinda pretty sometimes, but here she is made up like a fish embryo or something.

Best Scene: When the guy comes home to find his wife cheating, and the helicopter things arrive.

Rewatchability: 9.5. This is on a lot, so I've had ample opportunity to test this number. Futuristic movies usually have a high degree of rewatchability for me, for some reason.

19. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)

First Impression: I had no interest in seeing this. I put it in my Netflix queue for reason I cannot quite articulate, and it got sent out before I could bump something else up ahead of it. Luckily for me, I watched it at almost the precise moment where I had that stage that guys hit as they get older, where history starts to become interesting. I loved the naval battles, the cat and mouse movements of the ships, and the little, endearing touches to the characters. I borrowed the first book in this series from the library, and was enjoying it, but it was during one of those phases where it takes forever to get through a book. Plus I had to keep Googling the different nautical terms in it, so I had to bring it back when I was about halfway through. I'll try it again someday, especially now that I know what a "fo's'cle" is.

Best Line: 
Able Seaman: Is them 'is brains, doctor?
Dr. Stephen Maturin: No, that's just dried blood. THOSE are his brains.

"Holy Shit!" Moment: All of the battles are impressive, but the amputation scene probably comes closest to our definition here.

Pretty Girls: I'm pretty sure there aren't ANY girls in this movie.

Best Scene: The chase with the "Phantom" ship.

Rewatchability: 8. The length makes it intimidating to put on, but I've watched watched it three times and haven't been let down yet.

18. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2001-3)

First Impression: OK, maybe I'm cheating by combining them (not the last time I'm gonna do this by the way. -ed), but my list, my rules. I get them all mixed up in head at this point. (See Rewatchability below). The first one was much better than I'd expected, the second just damn awesome, and the third one had its moments but really was too fucking long.

Best Line:
Gandalf: [to Pippin] Fool of a Took. Throw yourself in next time, and rid us of your stupidity.
(I just love "fool of a Took!" The way it sounds makes me laugh. Oh, and Worst Line:  "Nobody tosses a dwarf!")

"Holy Shit!" Moment: There are a lot dispersed throughout these ten hours. The first appearance of the Ringwraiths was hard to top, though.

Pretty Girls: Nothing to get too excited about. Liv Tyler has her moments. Not a Cate Blanchett fan. And I'm not making the Orlando Bloom joke you're waiting for.

Best Scene: Gollum/Smeagol arguing with himself in The Two Towers.

Rewatchability: 6. The only reason this is so low. I might turn it to catch a particular scene or two, but I haven't once said to myself, "I wanna watch one of the Lord of the Rings movies again." Alas.

17. Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006):

First Impression: Urine. In my pants.

Best Line: 
Azamat: [points to two cockroaches] The Jews have shifted their shapes!

"Holy Shit!" Moment: I mean, could it be anything other than the naked wrestling?

Pretty Girls: Pamela Anderson, about fifteen years before this movie was made. Otherwise, no.

Best Scene: The dinner party. "Why you call police, the retard escape?"

Rewatchability: 10. I'd be watching it right now if not for this stupid fucking blog. (Naw, just kidding. Love you guys. Y'all are the best. Support our sponsors.)

16. Ghost World (2001)

First Impression: This had looked like something that was right up my alley, and it was. If Steve Buscemi is in a movie (and Adam Sandler is not), it's almost definitely gonna hold my attention.

Best Line: 
Enid: We need to find a place where you can go to meet women who share your interests.
Seymour: Maybe I don't want to meet someone who shares my interests. I hate my interests.

"Holy Shit!" Moment: There really isn't one. This being an art-house movie and all. Art-house movies generally frown upon "oh shit!" moments, unless they're directed by Todd Solondz.

Pretty Girls: Some find Scarlett Johansson attractive. And by "some", I mean those with Y chromosomes.

Best Scene: Seymour at the "blues" club. Man, if I had a nickel for every one of those faux "blues" bands I used to go see in Austin. Not that they aren't enjoyable, I just felt like being uppity for a bit.

Rewatchability: 7, which is kinda low for a movie up this high, I know. But it's just cool knowing this movie is out there.

1 comment:

  1. Well, if you don't want Cate Blanchett I'll certainly take her off your hands! What a nutter! She's divine, a goddess! I don't know anyone in their right mind who doesn't think she's gorgeous.