Monday, December 14, 2009

The Top 25 Movies of the Aughties: 15-10

Wassup Hepcats!
Ado? None.
Before: 20 - 16
And now:

15. Up (2009)

First Impression: My first impression was that I was watching a movie sitting in between two talkative little girls. Yes, Hepcats, this was the first movie I took the twinnies to. They really liked it. I liked it better.

Best Line:
Dug: Hey, I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead." Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead.

"Holy Cow!" Moment: Seeing that house and all those balloons take off on the big screen was pretty darn cool, I admit.

Pretty Girls: Yeah, no.

Best Scene: The opening. I'd avoided any reviews before I took them to see it, so I was pretty unprepared for it. Sniffles may have been involved. Twice.

Rewatchability: Incomplete. Prospects are good, though.

14. Adaptation (2002)

First Impression: That I somehow liked it better than Being John Malkovich, which I'd thought to be impossible. Nicolas Cage, who I normally hate, was awesome. And I loved the ending. Now, normally I can't stand when someone's argument is, "The reason you didn't like it is because you didn't understand it". It's lazy, it's rude, and it's almost always wrong. Trust me, I've been on the other side of it a couple of times. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND ALL THE INS AND OUTS OF DONNIE DARKO. I ALSO UNDERSTAND THAT IT SUCKED.
That said, most of the people who didn't like the ending to this movie didn't understand it.

Best Line:
Donald Kaufman: Anyway, listen, I meant to ask you, I need a cool way to kill people. Don't worry, for my script.

"Holy Shit!" Moment: Pretty much the entire last half hour, as you realize what's happened.

Pretty Girls:  Well, Tilda Swinton pretty much blows the rest of the world away in terms of .... aw, see I was fucking with ya. Um. I think the waitress was kinda cute, but I can't remember.

Best Scene: Any scene with Chris Cooper in it.

Rewatchability: 9. Beyond all the metaphysics and questions of reality, this movie is just really funny.

13. Almost Famous (2000)

First Impression: That I loved this movie like a little brother. There were scenes in this movie that I knew from the first that I'd remember a long time, and I was right.

Best Line:
Elaine Miller: Adolescence is a marketing tool.

"Holy Shit!" Moment: When the plane is going down, and everyone starts confessing their deepest secrets.

Pretty Girls: Hmm. Kate Hudson, AH Girlfriend Zooey Deschanel AND AH Girlfriend Anna Paquin? Well played, Mr. Crowe. Well played indeed.

Best Scene: William Miller on the phone with Lester Bangs.
"The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we're uncool."

Rewatchability: A solid 10.

12. Memento (2000)

Rewatchability: 8.5. Surprisingly high, considering it goes backwards.

Best Scene: When Carrie-Anne Moss starts beating the shit out of herself.

Pretty Girls: Not movie star pretty, but Carie-Anne Moss or Jorja Fox would both probably be one of the hotter women in your office. For our purposes here, though, no.

"Holy Shit!" Moment: I think this entire movie is an "oh shit!" moment. Or, at least the beginning of every scene is.

Best Line:
Leonard Shelby: My wife deserves revenge, whether I know about it or not

First Impression: About fifteen minutes in, I thought I was going to get a headache. But I kept my head down, pushed through that shit, and watched as the best mystery movie of the decade unspooled before me.

11. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)

First Impression: That I was ten years old again. I know it was popular at the time to say things like "The fight scenes are more like ballets than fights!", but that obscures the fact that THESE FIGHTS ARE AWESOME. We've become inured to it now, but in 2000 watching people run up walls and fly through the air was still new (to Americans, anyway) and no one had done it this well. I'm still not sure anyone has.

Best Line:
Jen Yu: [while slicing through customers at a local restaurant] You want to know who I am? I am... I am the Invincible Sword Goddess, armed with the Green Destiny that knows no equal! Be you Li or Southern Crane, bow your head and ask for mercy! I am the dragon from the desert! Who comes from nowhere and leaves no trace! Today I fly over Eu-Mei. Tomorrow... I topple Mount Wudan!
(I bet that sounds better in Mandarin.)

"Holy Shit!" Moment: The first time we see the thief run up the wall of a building onto a roof.

Pretty Girls: Ziyi Zhang is quite fetching indeed. I guess some of you like Michelle Yeoh. To each his own.

Best Scene: I think the massacre in the restaurant. I don't know. Anything that involved swords and fighting. And ballet.

Rewatchability: 8. The action still holds up, but the other stuff can be a drag if you aren't in the right mood. But, again: the action is awesome.

So here we are Hepcats, at the threshold of another Top Ten. I'll probably keep doing them five at a time, though, because I know your time is precious. Tomorrow!

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