OK, Hepcats, fair warning: if you watch this video, you're going to have "WE CAME, WE SAW WE KICKED ITS ASS!" in your head until New Year's.
Here are the complete lyrics, along with the movie/TV show it came from.
BBC Logos:
1, 2, 1 2 3 4.
Freaks:
We accept her, one of us. We accept her, one of us.
Gooble gobble, gooble gobble.
We accept her, we accept her.
We accept her, one of us. We accept her, one of us.
Gooble gobble, gooble gobble.
We accept her, we accept her.
Ghostbusters:
We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
School of Rock:
I was testing you – and you passed.
The Simpsons:
Dental plan! Lisa needs braces.
South Park:
Be required to fart on a regular basis.
The Godfather:
I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse.
Robocop:
Channel 13, eyewitness news!
Robocop, who is he?
Dead or alive, you’re coming with me.
Sesame Street:
In a hurry to be fed, beady eyes and big blue head.
Back to the Future:
I’m telling the truth Doc, you gotta believe me.
The Simpsons:
Why does everything I whip leave me?
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory:
My beautiful chocolate! Candy is dandy.
Silence of the Lambs:
Fava beans and a nice Chianti.
Seinfield:
You can count on Slippery Pete.
Back to the Future 2:
Suicide will be nice and neat!
A Night at the Museum:
I didn’t build the Panama Canal.
2001: A Space Odyssey:
Open the pod bay doors please, HAL.
Star Wars:
These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.
These aren’t the droids we’re looking for.
The Prisoner:
I am not a number. I am a free man!
Citizen Kane:
Rosebud.
Seinfeld:
To the Idiotmobile!
Knight Rider:
Right away Michael.
The Prisoner:
I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered!
Ghostbusters:
We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
On the Waterfront:
You don’t understand, I could’a had class.
Sesame Street:
Round and tasty on a bun.
Rainbow:
Ooh Zippy, look what you’ve done.
Pirates of the Caribbean:
Finally, cast off those lines!
Airplane:
No, I’ve been nervous lots of times.
The Shining:
Red Rum!
What’s the matter honey?
The Dukes of Hazzard:
Just robbed Boss Hogg all of his money!
Ghostbusters:
We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
Top Gun:
Writing checks your body can’t cash.
The Simpsons:
I was elected to lead, not read.
Top Gun:
I feel the need, the need for speed!
Mystery Science Theater 3000:
Watch out for snakes!
The Man Who Knew Too Little:
A good man’s loafer.
Mystery Science Theater 3000:
HQ, my hat looks like a muffin, over.
2010: The Year We Make Contact:
My God, it’s full of stars.
The Car:
There was no driver in the car.
Knight Rider:
Right away Michael.
The Dukes of Hazzard:
Well you see I’m in hot pursuit!
30 Rock:
There are only two things I love in this world, everybody and television.
The Simpsons:
The Simpsons!
Family Guy:
Ugh, you must be ’shrooming.
The Moomins:
Wait for me Moomin!
Shaun Micallef:
Cross live to meet the host of that show, Meat Boy.
30 Rock:
I want to go to there.
Ghostbusters:
We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
Starsky and Hutch:
An oil tycoon, like a – moustache.
The Naked Gun:
Nice beaver!
I just had it stuffed.
Blow:
I don’t give a shit, close enough.
The Fast Show:
Where’s me washboard?
I’ll get me coat.
Jaws:
You’re gonna need a bigger boat.
Anchorman:
What’d she say?
I think she bought it,
30 Rock:
Suck it monkeys, I’m going corporate!
Cars:
C’mon let’s take a drive.
A drive?
Short Circuit:
Number 5 is alive!
It Couldn’t Happen Here:
It’s only a laugh, no harm done,
Sesame Street:
Pickles, french fries, yum yum yum.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off:
Bueller, Bueller, Bueller.
Good Morning, Vietnam:
It’s 2 degrees cooler.
Blade Runner:
The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long.
This is Spinal Tap:
Six words in the whole song.
[Freaks chorus]
The Prisoner:
You are number 6.
Short Circuit:
Five.
?:
Four, three, two.
The Prisoner:
I am not a number, I am a free man!
Ghostbusters:
We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
The Big Lebowski:
Give me my 20,000 in cash.
Ghostbusters:
We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
Back to the Future 3:
I think you woke up the dead with that blast!
Ghostbusters:
We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
Pulp Fiction:
I think fast, I talk fast.
Ghostbusters:
We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
Family Guy:
Lois, this is not my Batman glass.
Ghostbusters:
We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
[Freaks chorus]
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
The Top 25 Movies of the Aughties: The Top Five
Wassup Hepcats!
OK, we're finishing this up tonight. Here's the previous entry: 10-6.
Any arguments about my list? Post a comment below, or email me at theaginghepster@gmail.com. Include a photo so I know if I could beat you up or not.
5. A.I.: Artificial Intelligence (2001)
First Impression:
I saw this at the (then) Mann Chinese Theater with a few of my friends on opening night. I loved it. Loved the whole idea, loved the look, loved the ending. And expected that my friends felt the same. As we were walking back toward my apartment, I said something like, "Wow, guys, great movie, right?" And there were a few moments of silence before my friend Christine muttered, "Well, the teddy bear was funny."
My point, Hepcats, is that sometimes we must go our own way. We must swim against the tide. We must be bold, so that mighty forces may come to our aid. And fuck you, A.I. was a great fucking movie. Especially the robots (NOT ALIENS, ASSHOLES) at the end.
Best Line:
Professor Hobby: [after stabbing the mecha's hand in a demonstration] How did that make you feel? Angry? Shocked?
Secretary: I don't understand.
Professor Hobby: What did I do to your feelings?
Secretary: You did it to my hand.
"Holy Shit!" Moment:
When we see the robots (NOT ALIENS, ASSHOLES) flying over the arctic landscape. Life has never seemed more pointless while watching a movie.
Pretty Girls:
Not a whole lot of females in this motion picture. David's mom is cute, I guess.
Best Scene:
Well, not the one with Robin Williams, I can tell you that right now. Speilberg just can't help himself sometimes. My favorite scene, though, is the end. He waited all that time, just for one day with his "mother". And now what?
Rewatchability: If I happen to be suffering through an existentail crisis, 10. Otherwise, probably an 8. But it is rarely otherwise.
4. No Country For Old Men (2007)
First Impression:
You know Bill Simmons, The Sports Guy, right? Before I had a chance to catch this picture, he wrote something like "I loved everything up until they showed the pool". So I'm watching it, can't get over how awesome it is, but dreading the shot of the pool. What the hell could that mean? I assumed it was Tommy Lee Jones kicking back in a pool with a mojito. This was 2007, mojitos were huge. And that really would have been off-putting. So the ending happens. And I think it's some kinda alright. What the hell is Simmons's problem. Through later reading we discover Simmons is anti-English major. Since I was one, I dunno, is that why I loved it? We didn't need to see Josh Brolin get dead to understand what happened, right?
Anyway minus five points for Simmons on that.
Best Line:
Nervous Accountant: Are you going to shoot me?
Anton Chigurh: That depends. Do you see me?
"Holy Shit!" Moment:
When Anton Chigurh totally strangles the fuck out of that cop dude. Or really anything he does.
Pretty Girls:
A solid no on that count.
Best Scene:
Anton Chigurh in the gas station is probably the most famous scene, and deservedly so I guess. But I love the scene with Josh Brolin in the hotel room, with the lights off, watching the light under the door to see if anyone's stopping there. Classic fucking suspense.
Rewatchability:
Incomplete, but right now a 9.5. I've watched it twice now, and it was even better the second time.
3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
First Impression:
For the third time in my (then) short life, Kate Winslet had made me fall in love with her. And I say this to all the straight me and gay women out there: how do you watch this movie and NOT fall in love with Kate Winslet?
Best Line:
Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon.
Joel: I know.
Clementine: What do we do?
Joel: Enjoy it.
"Holy Shit!" Moment:
There's few, I just can't remember them.
SEE WHAT I DID RIGHT THERE?
Pretty Girls:
Well, duh. AH Girlfriend Emeritus Kate Winslet.
Best Scene:
In the bookstore, all the titles disappearing.
Rewatchability:
I'm going to be honest here. I've only seen this once. So it really shouldn't be up this high, right? But the feeling I had after I first saw this movie was so unique, so full of optimism and romance or some such baloney, that I went out and met my wife a week later. So that happened.
2. Kill Bill, Volumes 1 and 2 (2003/4)
First Impression:
That the first Kill Bill would end up being my Best Movie of the Aughties, hands down. (Yeah, I start thinking about this stuff early). Then I saw the second one, and I realized it would be an argument. And argument that another movie (and my awesome rule bending) later rendered moot. But still. I haven't caught Inglorious Basterds yet, and shame on me of course. But is there anyone who makes movies even half as entertaining as Tarantino? These two movies, when considered as a whole have EVERYTHING. Mmm, except boobies, I think. Again: but still.
Best Line:
Well, this is Tarantino. I could just pick a line at random. How about this:
The Bride: You and I have unfinished business.
Bill: Baby, you ain't kidding.
"Holy Shit!" Moment:
Vernita Green's daughter coming home during her fight with the Bride.
Pretty Girls:
I acknowledge Uma Thurman's beauty while confessing that she's never really done it for me. Tall, thin, pale and blonde. We're gonna go ahead and call that TTPB here from now on. Not my thing. Lucy Liu, though. Now we're cooking with gas.
Best Scene:
After you've watched all these amazing set pieces, The Sandwich Scene comes along and just fucks you in the head. How good is this scene? When David Carradine forgot to have a backup plan this summer, almost every obituary mentioned it.
Rewatchability:
10.5. Bonus half point for being able to just click over during a commercial if you're watching something else, and knowing you'll be seeing something cool.
1. What Happens In Vegas (2008)
First Impression:
Sometimes you see a movie that just speaks to the inner depths of your soul. You had all these feelings that you could never quite explain, until you saw a masterpiece of pure cinema that
Naw, I'm fucking with ya again. I've never even seen this movie. As far as you know.
Here:
1. The Dark Knight (2008)
First Impression:
I posted on my fantasy league message board (I RULE) "I have just watched my favorite movie since Pulp Fiction." And I then watched it another five or six times to make sure. And now it's on HBO every night, so I have to check in once in a while to make sure it's still awesome. It is.
Best Line:
Alfred Pennyworth: Because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
"Holy Shit!" Moment:
Aw man, that whole chase scene. Especially when the Batcycle or whatever does a flip against the building. Also when everyone shows up to save Harvey, instead of Rachel. Also every scene with the Joker.
Pretty Girls:
Well, this is the $65,000 question, isn't it, Hepcats? Is Maggie Gyllenhaal pretty? Some claim her as a crush. Some call say she has a face like a pig. Being supremely talented, I can see both sides. And I saw: I don't know. I really don't. Sometimes she looks hot.
Sometimes she looks awful.
Even in this one movie. So we'll go with "No one as pretty as Katie Holmes" for this, while remembering that Katie Holmes almost single-handedly ruined Batman Begins.
Best Scene:
A lot of people didn't like the scene with the two ferries. I thought it was brilliant.
But I'm gonna go with Every Scene With The Joker.
Rewatchability:
10. Damn straight.
So there's my Top 25 Movies of the Aughties, keeping in mind I haven't yet seen "Inglorious Basterds", "Up in the Air", "Avatar", "(500) Days of Summer", or "What Happens in Vegas" (or have I?)
Thanks, Hepcats, that's one more Best of the Aughties (Albums), but I might not get to that till after the new year. And maybe we'll do books. I dunno.
OK, we're finishing this up tonight. Here's the previous entry: 10-6.
Any arguments about my list? Post a comment below, or email me at theaginghepster@gmail.com. Include a photo so I know if I could beat you up or not.
5. A.I.: Artificial Intelligence (2001)
First Impression:
I saw this at the (then) Mann Chinese Theater with a few of my friends on opening night. I loved it. Loved the whole idea, loved the look, loved the ending. And expected that my friends felt the same. As we were walking back toward my apartment, I said something like, "Wow, guys, great movie, right?" And there were a few moments of silence before my friend Christine muttered, "Well, the teddy bear was funny."
My point, Hepcats, is that sometimes we must go our own way. We must swim against the tide. We must be bold, so that mighty forces may come to our aid. And fuck you, A.I. was a great fucking movie. Especially the robots (NOT ALIENS, ASSHOLES) at the end.
Best Line:
Professor Hobby: [after stabbing the mecha's hand in a demonstration] How did that make you feel? Angry? Shocked?
Secretary: I don't understand.
Professor Hobby: What did I do to your feelings?
Secretary: You did it to my hand.
"Holy Shit!" Moment:
When we see the robots (NOT ALIENS, ASSHOLES) flying over the arctic landscape. Life has never seemed more pointless while watching a movie.
Pretty Girls:
Not a whole lot of females in this motion picture. David's mom is cute, I guess.
Best Scene:
Well, not the one with Robin Williams, I can tell you that right now. Speilberg just can't help himself sometimes. My favorite scene, though, is the end. He waited all that time, just for one day with his "mother". And now what?
Rewatchability: If I happen to be suffering through an existentail crisis, 10. Otherwise, probably an 8. But it is rarely otherwise.
4. No Country For Old Men (2007)
First Impression:
You know Bill Simmons, The Sports Guy, right? Before I had a chance to catch this picture, he wrote something like "I loved everything up until they showed the pool". So I'm watching it, can't get over how awesome it is, but dreading the shot of the pool. What the hell could that mean? I assumed it was Tommy Lee Jones kicking back in a pool with a mojito. This was 2007, mojitos were huge. And that really would have been off-putting. So the ending happens. And I think it's some kinda alright. What the hell is Simmons's problem. Through later reading we discover Simmons is anti-English major. Since I was one, I dunno, is that why I loved it? We didn't need to see Josh Brolin get dead to understand what happened, right?
Anyway minus five points for Simmons on that.
Best Line:
Nervous Accountant: Are you going to shoot me?
Anton Chigurh: That depends. Do you see me?
"Holy Shit!" Moment:
When Anton Chigurh totally strangles the fuck out of that cop dude. Or really anything he does.
Pretty Girls:
A solid no on that count.
Best Scene:
Anton Chigurh in the gas station is probably the most famous scene, and deservedly so I guess. But I love the scene with Josh Brolin in the hotel room, with the lights off, watching the light under the door to see if anyone's stopping there. Classic fucking suspense.
Rewatchability:
Incomplete, but right now a 9.5. I've watched it twice now, and it was even better the second time.
3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
First Impression:
For the third time in my (then) short life, Kate Winslet had made me fall in love with her. And I say this to all the straight me and gay women out there: how do you watch this movie and NOT fall in love with Kate Winslet?
Best Line:
Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon.
Joel: I know.
Clementine: What do we do?
Joel: Enjoy it.
"Holy Shit!" Moment:
There's few, I just can't remember them.
SEE WHAT I DID RIGHT THERE?
Pretty Girls:
Well, duh. AH Girlfriend Emeritus Kate Winslet.
Best Scene:
In the bookstore, all the titles disappearing.
Rewatchability:
I'm going to be honest here. I've only seen this once. So it really shouldn't be up this high, right? But the feeling I had after I first saw this movie was so unique, so full of optimism and romance or some such baloney, that I went out and met my wife a week later. So that happened.
2. Kill Bill, Volumes 1 and 2 (2003/4)
First Impression:
That the first Kill Bill would end up being my Best Movie of the Aughties, hands down. (Yeah, I start thinking about this stuff early). Then I saw the second one, and I realized it would be an argument. And argument that another movie (and my awesome rule bending) later rendered moot. But still. I haven't caught Inglorious Basterds yet, and shame on me of course. But is there anyone who makes movies even half as entertaining as Tarantino? These two movies, when considered as a whole have EVERYTHING. Mmm, except boobies, I think. Again: but still.
Best Line:
Well, this is Tarantino. I could just pick a line at random. How about this:
The Bride: You and I have unfinished business.
Bill: Baby, you ain't kidding.
"Holy Shit!" Moment:
Vernita Green's daughter coming home during her fight with the Bride.
Pretty Girls:
I acknowledge Uma Thurman's beauty while confessing that she's never really done it for me. Tall, thin, pale and blonde. We're gonna go ahead and call that TTPB here from now on. Not my thing. Lucy Liu, though. Now we're cooking with gas.
Best Scene:
After you've watched all these amazing set pieces, The Sandwich Scene comes along and just fucks you in the head. How good is this scene? When David Carradine forgot to have a backup plan this summer, almost every obituary mentioned it.
Rewatchability:
10.5. Bonus half point for being able to just click over during a commercial if you're watching something else, and knowing you'll be seeing something cool.
1. What Happens In Vegas (2008)
First Impression:
Sometimes you see a movie that just speaks to the inner depths of your soul. You had all these feelings that you could never quite explain, until you saw a masterpiece of pure cinema that
Naw, I'm fucking with ya again. I've never even seen this movie. As far as you know.
Here:
1. The Dark Knight (2008)
First Impression:
I posted on my fantasy league message board (I RULE) "I have just watched my favorite movie since Pulp Fiction." And I then watched it another five or six times to make sure. And now it's on HBO every night, so I have to check in once in a while to make sure it's still awesome. It is.
Best Line:
Alfred Pennyworth: Because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
"Holy Shit!" Moment:
Aw man, that whole chase scene. Especially when the Batcycle or whatever does a flip against the building. Also when everyone shows up to save Harvey, instead of Rachel. Also every scene with the Joker.
Pretty Girls:
Well, this is the $65,000 question, isn't it, Hepcats? Is Maggie Gyllenhaal pretty? Some claim her as a crush. Some call say she has a face like a pig. Being supremely talented, I can see both sides. And I saw: I don't know. I really don't. Sometimes she looks hot.
Sometimes she looks awful.
Even in this one movie. So we'll go with "No one as pretty as Katie Holmes" for this, while remembering that Katie Holmes almost single-handedly ruined Batman Begins.
Best Scene:
A lot of people didn't like the scene with the two ferries. I thought it was brilliant.
But I'm gonna go with Every Scene With The Joker.
Rewatchability:
10. Damn straight.
So there's my Top 25 Movies of the Aughties, keeping in mind I haven't yet seen "Inglorious Basterds", "Up in the Air", "Avatar", "(500) Days of Summer", or "What Happens in Vegas" (or have I?)
Thanks, Hepcats, that's one more Best of the Aughties (Albums), but I might not get to that till after the new year. And maybe we'll do books. I dunno.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Gran Up Torino
Mash ups are usually awful, but this one made me laugh.
Pixar's: Gran Up Torino - watch more funny videos
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
The Top 25 Movies of the Aughties: 10 - 6
Wassup Hepcats!
So I've been checking the Google Analytics on this here site (fellow bloggers: you MUST get this. It's free, and you can easily waste three hours with masturbatory stat checking), and was pleased to see we've had visits from 9 countries in the last 2 days. Including two different ones from Greece. So allow me to say, yasas, Greeks!
Previously, 15 -11.
And currently:
10. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
First Impression: Eh. I'm pretty sure I was drunk, and I put it on at like 3 in the morning. I was talking to my buddy Thomas Jay about it later, and was convinced to give it another shot. I'm pretty sure no one who sat near my cube at the time would ever forgive him.
Best Line: Well, of anything on this list (including this movie's inclusion on this list), this may inspire the most argument. I don't know why, but what always cracked me up the most was
Baxter: Leave these people alone. They mean you no harm.
Bear: We Bears are a proud race. They must pay for their intrusion.
Baxter: On my journey I met one of your kind. His name was Katow-jo. We became friends.
Bear: Katow-jo is my cousin. Go in peace.
Baxter: I will tell tales of your compassion.
Bear: Fare thee well, Baxter. You shall always be friend of the bears.
Although you can't go wrong with
Champ Kind: I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again.
Anyway. Begin arguing with my choices. And oh shit wait till you see what made Number 5 on this list of the Top 25 Movies of the Aughties. I bet you hated it.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: The fight with Wes Mantooth and his whole crew. "Did you throw a trident?"
Pretty Girls: Christina Applegate is fine here. But, and I think I speak for all males born between 1974 and 1978 here, what would your junior high self have done just to see one of Kelly Bundy's boobies? Kill a family member? Shoot the President? And now they're all gone. Like sands through the hourglass.
Best Scene: The introductions to all the Channel 4 Newsteam.
"I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded. "
Rewatchability: You tell me. I just did all those quotes from memory. (I totally didn't. But it's a 10.)
9. Le fabuleux destin d'Amelie Poulain (2001)
First Impression: Naw, I just call it "Amelie" too, I was just giving a shout out to our Cahiers du Cinema bruthas. My first impression was that someone (Jean-Pierre Jeunet, that crazy bastard) had made a chick flick that male hipsters could love. And did love. I see a movie like "Chocolat", and I see the emotions it was trying to evoke, and then "Amelie" took "Chocolat" by the back of its fat sweaty Weinstein brothers neck and made "Chocolat" go down on it. "This is how you move people, bitch!"
Best Line:
Narrator: Amelie has a strange feeling of absolute harmony. It's a perfect moment. A soft light, a scent in the air, the quiet murmur of the city. A surge of love, an urge to help mankind overcomes her.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: When Amelie dissolves into water. It's pretty damn cool.
Pretty Girls: Audrey Tatou has NEVER been written about in a sentence that didn't either mention Audrey Hepburn or use the word "gamine". Until now: Audrey Tatou is gorgeous, way prettier than Audrey Hepburn and I didn't know what "gamine" meant until I looked it up. Shit, oops.
Best Scene: Not really a scene per se, but the whole thing with her dad and the garden gnome was tres charming. (Tres is French for "wicked".)
Rewatchability: 9. One of those movies where you forget how entertaining it is until it's on.
8. Juno (2007)
First Impression: After the scene with Dwight Schrute, I was ready to walk out. If I wasn't on a date with Mrs. Hepster, I might have. The first five minutes were everything I was afraid this movie was going to be. And then by the end, I was choking back sobs. But I could still kick your ass!
Best Line: There IS a lot of cutesy dialogue, and a lot of it is actually funny, but this exchange always makes me laugh:
Mac MacGuff: No, I know I mean who's the father, Juno?
Juno MacGuff: Umm... It's Paulie Bleeker.
Mac MacGuff: Paulie Bleeker?
Juno MacGuff: What?
Mac MacGuff: I didn't think he had it in him.
Leah: I know, right?
"Holy Shit!" Moment: Ah, when we finally see the note, and it's framed in the baby's room. Choking back SOBS I tell ya. And I could still kick your ass.
Pretty Girls: Jennifer Garner is pretty easy on the eyes.
Best Scene: When Juno and her dad meet Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman. Especially since it sets us up so well that Bateman is the cool guy and Garner is an uptight bitch. Well done, Diablo Cody, even if your name is Diablo Cody.
Rewatchability: 9. I had to stop watching it last month. It was on all the time. Would be a ten but certain lines ("Honest to blog") get more annoying with each view.
7. There Will Be Blood (2007)
First Impression: I know I made fun of people who use the term "pure cinema" in an earlier post. Seriously, though, this is pure fucking cinema. If I never had a vasectomy I would impregnate Paul Thomas Anderson just to have offspring half as talented as he is. And I had never given Daniel Day Lewis any thought, other than he was a little overcooked in "Gangs of New York". Daniel Day Lewis is my fucking boy now, after this piece of cinema, which is pure.
Best Line: Everybody now!
Plainview: They should have put you in a glass jar on a mantelpiece. Where were you when Paul was suckling at your mother's teat? Where were you? Who was nursing you, poor Eli- one of Bandy's sows? That land has been had. Nothing you can do about it. It's gone. It's had. You lose.
Eli Sunday: If you would just take this lease, Daniel...
Plainview: Drainage! Drainage, Eli, you boy. Drained dry. I'm so sorry. Here, if you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw. There it is, that's a straw, you see? You watching?. And my straw reaches acroooooooss the room, and starts to drink your milkshake... I... drink... your... milkshake!
[sucking sound]
Plainview: I drink it up!
"Holy Shit!" Moment: Not to give away what I haven't already, but it involves a priest and a bowling alley.
Pretty Girls: Hold on, let me check IMDb. OK, I'm back. That would be no. This is PURE CINEMA, after all. No room for playing grabass.
Best Scene: Daniel Day Lewis at the beach with his "brother". Just looking at him, as he bobs in the waves. Just looking.
Rewatchability: Incomplete. And the only reason this is out of the top 5. This pure cinema needs to start playing on HBO or Cinemax soon, or I'm gonna have to do something like buy a DVD. And we don't want that, Hepcats.
6. The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
First Impression: I honestly don't remember, as I'd been jacked for this movie the moment it came down the wire that Wes Anderson's next movie was going to be about a family of geniuses. I think I almost passed out when I heard that. I do remember watching it at my little brother's apartment one night a few years ago, proud that he had such good taste in movies. He had the Criterion collection edition and everything.
Best Line:
Richie: Did you say you were on Mescaline?
Eli: I did indeed. Very much so.
Note: This is why I still, to this day, think "I did indeed" is a funny phrase, and try to fit it in where I can. Ask Mrs. Hepster. She can confirm.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: Eli crashing into the house. "Here I come!"
Pretty Girls: I'm not the biggest Gywneth Paltrow fan in the world, but sometimes she looks good. She looked really good in "Iron Man". She looks good here. Enough to be approved for our purposes.
Best Scene: The montage of Royal with his grandsons on the town is poignant and funny. Just like almost every other scene in this movie.
Rewatchablity: 10. Almost a 10.5 now that you can try to figure out which cast member Luke Wilson ate before he started doing those AT&T commercials. I bet it was Seymour Cassel.
So I've been checking the Google Analytics on this here site (fellow bloggers: you MUST get this. It's free, and you can easily waste three hours with masturbatory stat checking), and was pleased to see we've had visits from 9 countries in the last 2 days. Including two different ones from Greece. So allow me to say, yasas, Greeks!
Previously, 15 -11.
And currently:
10. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
First Impression: Eh. I'm pretty sure I was drunk, and I put it on at like 3 in the morning. I was talking to my buddy Thomas Jay about it later, and was convinced to give it another shot. I'm pretty sure no one who sat near my cube at the time would ever forgive him.
Best Line: Well, of anything on this list (including this movie's inclusion on this list), this may inspire the most argument. I don't know why, but what always cracked me up the most was
Baxter: Leave these people alone. They mean you no harm.
Bear: We Bears are a proud race. They must pay for their intrusion.
Baxter: On my journey I met one of your kind. His name was Katow-jo. We became friends.
Bear: Katow-jo is my cousin. Go in peace.
Baxter: I will tell tales of your compassion.
Bear: Fare thee well, Baxter. You shall always be friend of the bears.
Although you can't go wrong with
Champ Kind: I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again.
Anyway. Begin arguing with my choices. And oh shit wait till you see what made Number 5 on this list of the Top 25 Movies of the Aughties. I bet you hated it.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: The fight with Wes Mantooth and his whole crew. "Did you throw a trident?"
Pretty Girls: Christina Applegate is fine here. But, and I think I speak for all males born between 1974 and 1978 here, what would your junior high self have done just to see one of Kelly Bundy's boobies? Kill a family member? Shoot the President? And now they're all gone. Like sands through the hourglass.
Best Scene: The introductions to all the Channel 4 Newsteam.
"I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded. "
Rewatchability: You tell me. I just did all those quotes from memory. (I totally didn't. But it's a 10.)
9. Le fabuleux destin d'Amelie Poulain (2001)
First Impression: Naw, I just call it "Amelie" too, I was just giving a shout out to our Cahiers du Cinema bruthas. My first impression was that someone (Jean-Pierre Jeunet, that crazy bastard) had made a chick flick that male hipsters could love. And did love. I see a movie like "Chocolat", and I see the emotions it was trying to evoke, and then "Amelie" took "Chocolat" by the back of its fat sweaty Weinstein brothers neck and made "Chocolat" go down on it. "This is how you move people, bitch!"
Best Line:
Narrator: Amelie has a strange feeling of absolute harmony. It's a perfect moment. A soft light, a scent in the air, the quiet murmur of the city. A surge of love, an urge to help mankind overcomes her.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: When Amelie dissolves into water. It's pretty damn cool.
Pretty Girls: Audrey Tatou has NEVER been written about in a sentence that didn't either mention Audrey Hepburn or use the word "gamine". Until now: Audrey Tatou is gorgeous, way prettier than Audrey Hepburn and I didn't know what "gamine" meant until I looked it up. Shit, oops.
Best Scene: Not really a scene per se, but the whole thing with her dad and the garden gnome was tres charming. (Tres is French for "wicked".)
Rewatchability: 9. One of those movies where you forget how entertaining it is until it's on.
8. Juno (2007)
First Impression: After the scene with Dwight Schrute, I was ready to walk out. If I wasn't on a date with Mrs. Hepster, I might have. The first five minutes were everything I was afraid this movie was going to be. And then by the end, I was choking back sobs. But I could still kick your ass!
Best Line: There IS a lot of cutesy dialogue, and a lot of it is actually funny, but this exchange always makes me laugh:
Mac MacGuff: No, I know I mean who's the father, Juno?
Juno MacGuff: Umm... It's Paulie Bleeker.
Mac MacGuff: Paulie Bleeker?
Juno MacGuff: What?
Mac MacGuff: I didn't think he had it in him.
Leah: I know, right?
"Holy Shit!" Moment: Ah, when we finally see the note, and it's framed in the baby's room. Choking back SOBS I tell ya. And I could still kick your ass.
Pretty Girls: Jennifer Garner is pretty easy on the eyes.
Best Scene: When Juno and her dad meet Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman. Especially since it sets us up so well that Bateman is the cool guy and Garner is an uptight bitch. Well done, Diablo Cody, even if your name is Diablo Cody.
Rewatchability: 9. I had to stop watching it last month. It was on all the time. Would be a ten but certain lines ("Honest to blog") get more annoying with each view.
7. There Will Be Blood (2007)
First Impression: I know I made fun of people who use the term "pure cinema" in an earlier post. Seriously, though, this is pure fucking cinema. If I never had a vasectomy I would impregnate Paul Thomas Anderson just to have offspring half as talented as he is. And I had never given Daniel Day Lewis any thought, other than he was a little overcooked in "Gangs of New York". Daniel Day Lewis is my fucking boy now, after this piece of cinema, which is pure.
Best Line: Everybody now!
Plainview: They should have put you in a glass jar on a mantelpiece. Where were you when Paul was suckling at your mother's teat? Where were you? Who was nursing you, poor Eli- one of Bandy's sows? That land has been had. Nothing you can do about it. It's gone. It's had. You lose.
Eli Sunday: If you would just take this lease, Daniel...
Plainview: Drainage! Drainage, Eli, you boy. Drained dry. I'm so sorry. Here, if you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw. There it is, that's a straw, you see? You watching?. And my straw reaches acroooooooss the room, and starts to drink your milkshake... I... drink... your... milkshake!
[sucking sound]
Plainview: I drink it up!
"Holy Shit!" Moment: Not to give away what I haven't already, but it involves a priest and a bowling alley.
Pretty Girls: Hold on, let me check IMDb. OK, I'm back. That would be no. This is PURE CINEMA, after all. No room for playing grabass.
Best Scene: Daniel Day Lewis at the beach with his "brother". Just looking at him, as he bobs in the waves. Just looking.
Rewatchability: Incomplete. And the only reason this is out of the top 5. This pure cinema needs to start playing on HBO or Cinemax soon, or I'm gonna have to do something like buy a DVD. And we don't want that, Hepcats.
6. The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
First Impression: I honestly don't remember, as I'd been jacked for this movie the moment it came down the wire that Wes Anderson's next movie was going to be about a family of geniuses. I think I almost passed out when I heard that. I do remember watching it at my little brother's apartment one night a few years ago, proud that he had such good taste in movies. He had the Criterion collection edition and everything.
Best Line:
Richie: Did you say you were on Mescaline?
Eli: I did indeed. Very much so.
Note: This is why I still, to this day, think "I did indeed" is a funny phrase, and try to fit it in where I can. Ask Mrs. Hepster. She can confirm.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: Eli crashing into the house. "Here I come!"
Pretty Girls: I'm not the biggest Gywneth Paltrow fan in the world, but sometimes she looks good. She looked really good in "Iron Man". She looks good here. Enough to be approved for our purposes.
Best Scene: The montage of Royal with his grandsons on the town is poignant and funny. Just like almost every other scene in this movie.
Rewatchablity: 10. Almost a 10.5 now that you can try to figure out which cast member Luke Wilson ate before he started doing those AT&T commercials. I bet it was Seymour Cassel.
Monday, December 14, 2009
The Top 25 Movies of the Aughties: 15-10
Wassup Hepcats!
Ado? None.
Before: 20 - 16
And now:
15. Up (2009)
First Impression: My first impression was that I was watching a movie sitting in between two talkative little girls. Yes, Hepcats, this was the first movie I took the twinnies to. They really liked it. I liked it better.
Best Line:
Dug: Hey, I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead." Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead.
"Holy Cow!" Moment: Seeing that house and all those balloons take off on the big screen was pretty darn cool, I admit.
Pretty Girls: Yeah, no.
Best Scene: The opening. I'd avoided any reviews before I took them to see it, so I was pretty unprepared for it. Sniffles may have been involved. Twice.
Rewatchability: Incomplete. Prospects are good, though.
14. Adaptation (2002)
First Impression: That I somehow liked it better than Being John Malkovich, which I'd thought to be impossible. Nicolas Cage, who I normally hate, was awesome. And I loved the ending. Now, normally I can't stand when someone's argument is, "The reason you didn't like it is because you didn't understand it". It's lazy, it's rude, and it's almost always wrong. Trust me, I've been on the other side of it a couple of times. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND ALL THE INS AND OUTS OF DONNIE DARKO. I ALSO UNDERSTAND THAT IT SUCKED.
That said, most of the people who didn't like the ending to this movie didn't understand it.
Best Line:
Donald Kaufman: Anyway, listen, I meant to ask you, I need a cool way to kill people. Don't worry, for my script.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: Pretty much the entire last half hour, as you realize what's happened.
Pretty Girls: Well, Tilda Swinton pretty much blows the rest of the world away in terms of .... aw, see I was fucking with ya. Um. I think the waitress was kinda cute, but I can't remember.
Best Scene: Any scene with Chris Cooper in it.
Rewatchability: 9. Beyond all the metaphysics and questions of reality, this movie is just really funny.
13. Almost Famous (2000)
First Impression: That I loved this movie like a little brother. There were scenes in this movie that I knew from the first that I'd remember a long time, and I was right.
Best Line:
Elaine Miller: Adolescence is a marketing tool.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: When the plane is going down, and everyone starts confessing their deepest secrets.
Pretty Girls: Hmm. Kate Hudson, AH Girlfriend Zooey Deschanel AND AH Girlfriend Anna Paquin? Well played, Mr. Crowe. Well played indeed.
Best Scene: William Miller on the phone with Lester Bangs.
"The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we're uncool."
Rewatchability: A solid 10.
12. Memento (2000)
Rewatchability: 8.5. Surprisingly high, considering it goes backwards.
Best Scene: When Carrie-Anne Moss starts beating the shit out of herself.
Pretty Girls: Not movie star pretty, but Carie-Anne Moss or Jorja Fox would both probably be one of the hotter women in your office. For our purposes here, though, no.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: I think this entire movie is an "oh shit!" moment. Or, at least the beginning of every scene is.
Best Line:
Leonard Shelby: My wife deserves revenge, whether I know about it or not
First Impression: About fifteen minutes in, I thought I was going to get a headache. But I kept my head down, pushed through that shit, and watched as the best mystery movie of the decade unspooled before me.
11. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)
First Impression: That I was ten years old again. I know it was popular at the time to say things like "The fight scenes are more like ballets than fights!", but that obscures the fact that THESE FIGHTS ARE AWESOME. We've become inured to it now, but in 2000 watching people run up walls and fly through the air was still new (to Americans, anyway) and no one had done it this well. I'm still not sure anyone has.
Best Line:
Jen Yu: [while slicing through customers at a local restaurant] You want to know who I am? I am... I am the Invincible Sword Goddess, armed with the Green Destiny that knows no equal! Be you Li or Southern Crane, bow your head and ask for mercy! I am the dragon from the desert! Who comes from nowhere and leaves no trace! Today I fly over Eu-Mei. Tomorrow... I topple Mount Wudan!
(I bet that sounds better in Mandarin.)
"Holy Shit!" Moment: The first time we see the thief run up the wall of a building onto a roof.
Pretty Girls: Ziyi Zhang is quite fetching indeed. I guess some of you like Michelle Yeoh. To each his own.
Best Scene: I think the massacre in the restaurant. I don't know. Anything that involved swords and fighting. And ballet.
Rewatchability: 8. The action still holds up, but the other stuff can be a drag if you aren't in the right mood. But, again: the action is awesome.
So here we are Hepcats, at the threshold of another Top Ten. I'll probably keep doing them five at a time, though, because I know your time is precious. Tomorrow!
Ado? None.
Before: 20 - 16
And now:
15. Up (2009)
First Impression: My first impression was that I was watching a movie sitting in between two talkative little girls. Yes, Hepcats, this was the first movie I took the twinnies to. They really liked it. I liked it better.
Best Line:
Dug: Hey, I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead." Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead.
"Holy Cow!" Moment: Seeing that house and all those balloons take off on the big screen was pretty darn cool, I admit.
Pretty Girls: Yeah, no.
Best Scene: The opening. I'd avoided any reviews before I took them to see it, so I was pretty unprepared for it. Sniffles may have been involved. Twice.
Rewatchability: Incomplete. Prospects are good, though.
14. Adaptation (2002)
First Impression: That I somehow liked it better than Being John Malkovich, which I'd thought to be impossible. Nicolas Cage, who I normally hate, was awesome. And I loved the ending. Now, normally I can't stand when someone's argument is, "The reason you didn't like it is because you didn't understand it". It's lazy, it's rude, and it's almost always wrong. Trust me, I've been on the other side of it a couple of times. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND ALL THE INS AND OUTS OF DONNIE DARKO. I ALSO UNDERSTAND THAT IT SUCKED.
That said, most of the people who didn't like the ending to this movie didn't understand it.
Best Line:
Donald Kaufman: Anyway, listen, I meant to ask you, I need a cool way to kill people. Don't worry, for my script.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: Pretty much the entire last half hour, as you realize what's happened.
Pretty Girls: Well, Tilda Swinton pretty much blows the rest of the world away in terms of .... aw, see I was fucking with ya. Um. I think the waitress was kinda cute, but I can't remember.
Best Scene: Any scene with Chris Cooper in it.
Rewatchability: 9. Beyond all the metaphysics and questions of reality, this movie is just really funny.
13. Almost Famous (2000)
First Impression: That I loved this movie like a little brother. There were scenes in this movie that I knew from the first that I'd remember a long time, and I was right.
Best Line:
Elaine Miller: Adolescence is a marketing tool.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: When the plane is going down, and everyone starts confessing their deepest secrets.
Pretty Girls: Hmm. Kate Hudson, AH Girlfriend Zooey Deschanel AND AH Girlfriend Anna Paquin? Well played, Mr. Crowe. Well played indeed.
Best Scene: William Miller on the phone with Lester Bangs.
"The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we're uncool."
Rewatchability: A solid 10.
12. Memento (2000)
Rewatchability: 8.5. Surprisingly high, considering it goes backwards.
Best Scene: When Carrie-Anne Moss starts beating the shit out of herself.
Pretty Girls: Not movie star pretty, but Carie-Anne Moss or Jorja Fox would both probably be one of the hotter women in your office. For our purposes here, though, no.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: I think this entire movie is an "oh shit!" moment. Or, at least the beginning of every scene is.
Best Line:
Leonard Shelby: My wife deserves revenge, whether I know about it or not
First Impression: About fifteen minutes in, I thought I was going to get a headache. But I kept my head down, pushed through that shit, and watched as the best mystery movie of the decade unspooled before me.
11. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)
First Impression: That I was ten years old again. I know it was popular at the time to say things like "The fight scenes are more like ballets than fights!", but that obscures the fact that THESE FIGHTS ARE AWESOME. We've become inured to it now, but in 2000 watching people run up walls and fly through the air was still new (to Americans, anyway) and no one had done it this well. I'm still not sure anyone has.
Best Line:
Jen Yu: [while slicing through customers at a local restaurant] You want to know who I am? I am... I am the Invincible Sword Goddess, armed with the Green Destiny that knows no equal! Be you Li or Southern Crane, bow your head and ask for mercy! I am the dragon from the desert! Who comes from nowhere and leaves no trace! Today I fly over Eu-Mei. Tomorrow... I topple Mount Wudan!
(I bet that sounds better in Mandarin.)
"Holy Shit!" Moment: The first time we see the thief run up the wall of a building onto a roof.
Pretty Girls: Ziyi Zhang is quite fetching indeed. I guess some of you like Michelle Yeoh. To each his own.
Best Scene: I think the massacre in the restaurant. I don't know. Anything that involved swords and fighting. And ballet.
Rewatchability: 8. The action still holds up, but the other stuff can be a drag if you aren't in the right mood. But, again: the action is awesome.
So here we are Hepcats, at the threshold of another Top Ten. I'll probably keep doing them five at a time, though, because I know your time is precious. Tomorrow!
Sunday, December 13, 2009
The Top 25 Movies of the Aughties: 20-16
Wassup, Hepcats!
So a change in schedule - we're gonna bust these out five at a time for the next few days instead of in one lump sum. Or two lump sums. Can you have two lump sums?
25-19 is here.
And 20-16 is here:
20. Minority Report (2002):
First Impression: Like with any Tom Cruise movie, I had to will myself to forget he was in it. And this was before he started jumping on black ladies' couches. More than any other actor of our time, he is incapable of disappearing into a role. Even in Magnolia, you're watching him, thinking, "Wow, Tom Cruise is really good here." Or in Tropic Thunder, with a big old fat suit, you think, "Wow, Tom Cruise with a big old fat suit is being really funny!" Anyway, here, you think, "Hey, this Tom Cruise movie is really good!" Also, I remember being kinda bummed that his character wasn't named John Minority. I may have placed a wager with someone on that.
Best Line:
Director Burgess: You don't have to run, John.
John Anderton: You don't have to chase me.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: A lot of good effects shots here. I liked the robot bugs best though.
Pretty Girls: Not so much. Samantha Morton can be kinda pretty sometimes, but here she is made up like a fish embryo or something.
Best Scene: When the guy comes home to find his wife cheating, and the helicopter things arrive.
Rewatchability: 9.5. This is on a lot, so I've had ample opportunity to test this number. Futuristic movies usually have a high degree of rewatchability for me, for some reason.
19. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)
First Impression: I had no interest in seeing this. I put it in my Netflix queue for reason I cannot quite articulate, and it got sent out before I could bump something else up ahead of it. Luckily for me, I watched it at almost the precise moment where I had that stage that guys hit as they get older, where history starts to become interesting. I loved the naval battles, the cat and mouse movements of the ships, and the little, endearing touches to the characters. I borrowed the first book in this series from the library, and was enjoying it, but it was during one of those phases where it takes forever to get through a book. Plus I had to keep Googling the different nautical terms in it, so I had to bring it back when I was about halfway through. I'll try it again someday, especially now that I know what a "fo's'cle" is.
Best Line:
Able Seaman: Is them 'is brains, doctor?
Dr. Stephen Maturin: No, that's just dried blood. THOSE are his brains.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: All of the battles are impressive, but the amputation scene probably comes closest to our definition here.
Pretty Girls: I'm pretty sure there aren't ANY girls in this movie.
Best Scene: The chase with the "Phantom" ship.
Rewatchability: 8. The length makes it intimidating to put on, but I've watched watched it three times and haven't been let down yet.
18. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2001-3)
First Impression: OK, maybe I'm cheating by combining them (not the last time I'm gonna do this by the way. -ed), but my list, my rules. I get them all mixed up in head at this point. (See Rewatchability below). The first one was much better than I'd expected, the second just damn awesome, and the third one had its moments but really was too fucking long.
Best Line:
Gandalf: [to Pippin] Fool of a Took. Throw yourself in next time, and rid us of your stupidity.
(I just love "fool of a Took!" The way it sounds makes me laugh. Oh, and Worst Line: "Nobody tosses a dwarf!")
"Holy Shit!" Moment: There are a lot dispersed throughout these ten hours. The first appearance of the Ringwraiths was hard to top, though.
Pretty Girls: Nothing to get too excited about. Liv Tyler has her moments. Not a Cate Blanchett fan. And I'm not making the Orlando Bloom joke you're waiting for.
Best Scene: Gollum/Smeagol arguing with himself in The Two Towers.
Rewatchability: 6. The only reason this is so low. I might turn it to catch a particular scene or two, but I haven't once said to myself, "I wanna watch one of the Lord of the Rings movies again." Alas.
17. Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006):
First Impression: Urine. In my pants.
Best Line:
Azamat: [points to two cockroaches] The Jews have shifted their shapes!
"Holy Shit!" Moment: I mean, could it be anything other than the naked wrestling?
Pretty Girls: Pamela Anderson, about fifteen years before this movie was made. Otherwise, no.
Best Scene: The dinner party. "Why you call police, the retard escape?"
Rewatchability: 10. I'd be watching it right now if not for this stupid fucking blog. (Naw, just kidding. Love you guys. Y'all are the best. Support our sponsors.)
16. Ghost World (2001)
First Impression: This had looked like something that was right up my alley, and it was. If Steve Buscemi is in a movie (and Adam Sandler is not), it's almost definitely gonna hold my attention.
Best Line:
Enid: We need to find a place where you can go to meet women who share your interests.
Seymour: Maybe I don't want to meet someone who shares my interests. I hate my interests.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: There really isn't one. This being an art-house movie and all. Art-house movies generally frown upon "oh shit!" moments, unless they're directed by Todd Solondz.
Pretty Girls: Some find Scarlett Johansson attractive. And by "some", I mean those with Y chromosomes.
Best Scene: Seymour at the "blues" club. Man, if I had a nickel for every one of those faux "blues" bands I used to go see in Austin. Not that they aren't enjoyable, I just felt like being uppity for a bit.
Rewatchability: 7, which is kinda low for a movie up this high, I know. But it's just cool knowing this movie is out there.
So a change in schedule - we're gonna bust these out five at a time for the next few days instead of in one lump sum. Or two lump sums. Can you have two lump sums?
25-19 is here.
And 20-16 is here:
20. Minority Report (2002):
First Impression: Like with any Tom Cruise movie, I had to will myself to forget he was in it. And this was before he started jumping on black ladies' couches. More than any other actor of our time, he is incapable of disappearing into a role. Even in Magnolia, you're watching him, thinking, "Wow, Tom Cruise is really good here." Or in Tropic Thunder, with a big old fat suit, you think, "Wow, Tom Cruise with a big old fat suit is being really funny!" Anyway, here, you think, "Hey, this Tom Cruise movie is really good!" Also, I remember being kinda bummed that his character wasn't named John Minority. I may have placed a wager with someone on that.
Best Line:
Director Burgess: You don't have to run, John.
John Anderton: You don't have to chase me.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: A lot of good effects shots here. I liked the robot bugs best though.
Pretty Girls: Not so much. Samantha Morton can be kinda pretty sometimes, but here she is made up like a fish embryo or something.
Best Scene: When the guy comes home to find his wife cheating, and the helicopter things arrive.
Rewatchability: 9.5. This is on a lot, so I've had ample opportunity to test this number. Futuristic movies usually have a high degree of rewatchability for me, for some reason.
19. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)
First Impression: I had no interest in seeing this. I put it in my Netflix queue for reason I cannot quite articulate, and it got sent out before I could bump something else up ahead of it. Luckily for me, I watched it at almost the precise moment where I had that stage that guys hit as they get older, where history starts to become interesting. I loved the naval battles, the cat and mouse movements of the ships, and the little, endearing touches to the characters. I borrowed the first book in this series from the library, and was enjoying it, but it was during one of those phases where it takes forever to get through a book. Plus I had to keep Googling the different nautical terms in it, so I had to bring it back when I was about halfway through. I'll try it again someday, especially now that I know what a "fo's'cle" is.
Best Line:
Able Seaman: Is them 'is brains, doctor?
Dr. Stephen Maturin: No, that's just dried blood. THOSE are his brains.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: All of the battles are impressive, but the amputation scene probably comes closest to our definition here.
Pretty Girls: I'm pretty sure there aren't ANY girls in this movie.
Best Scene: The chase with the "Phantom" ship.
Rewatchability: 8. The length makes it intimidating to put on, but I've watched watched it three times and haven't been let down yet.
18. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2001-3)
First Impression: OK, maybe I'm cheating by combining them (not the last time I'm gonna do this by the way. -ed), but my list, my rules. I get them all mixed up in head at this point. (See Rewatchability below). The first one was much better than I'd expected, the second just damn awesome, and the third one had its moments but really was too fucking long.
Best Line:
Gandalf: [to Pippin] Fool of a Took. Throw yourself in next time, and rid us of your stupidity.
(I just love "fool of a Took!" The way it sounds makes me laugh. Oh, and Worst Line: "Nobody tosses a dwarf!")
"Holy Shit!" Moment: There are a lot dispersed throughout these ten hours. The first appearance of the Ringwraiths was hard to top, though.
Pretty Girls: Nothing to get too excited about. Liv Tyler has her moments. Not a Cate Blanchett fan. And I'm not making the Orlando Bloom joke you're waiting for.
Best Scene: Gollum/Smeagol arguing with himself in The Two Towers.
Rewatchability: 6. The only reason this is so low. I might turn it to catch a particular scene or two, but I haven't once said to myself, "I wanna watch one of the Lord of the Rings movies again." Alas.
17. Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006):
First Impression: Urine. In my pants.
Best Line:
Azamat: [points to two cockroaches] The Jews have shifted their shapes!
"Holy Shit!" Moment: I mean, could it be anything other than the naked wrestling?
Pretty Girls: Pamela Anderson, about fifteen years before this movie was made. Otherwise, no.
Best Scene: The dinner party. "Why you call police, the retard escape?"
Rewatchability: 10. I'd be watching it right now if not for this stupid fucking blog. (Naw, just kidding. Love you guys. Y'all are the best. Support our sponsors.)
16. Ghost World (2001)
First Impression: This had looked like something that was right up my alley, and it was. If Steve Buscemi is in a movie (and Adam Sandler is not), it's almost definitely gonna hold my attention.
Best Line:
Enid: We need to find a place where you can go to meet women who share your interests.
Seymour: Maybe I don't want to meet someone who shares my interests. I hate my interests.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: There really isn't one. This being an art-house movie and all. Art-house movies generally frown upon "oh shit!" moments, unless they're directed by Todd Solondz.
Pretty Girls: Some find Scarlett Johansson attractive. And by "some", I mean those with Y chromosomes.
Best Scene: Seymour at the "blues" club. Man, if I had a nickel for every one of those faux "blues" bands I used to go see in Austin. Not that they aren't enjoyable, I just felt like being uppity for a bit.
Rewatchability: 7, which is kinda low for a movie up this high, I know. But it's just cool knowing this movie is out there.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
The Top 25 Movies of the Aughties: 25 - 21
Wassup Hepcats!Thanks for joining us again for a little bit of quantification of enjoyment. What we're doing here is the Top 25 movies of the last decade, which, we've all agreed, is the Aughties.
Here are the films that didn't quite make it.
I think number twenty-five would be a nice one with which to begin.
25. Sideways (2004).
First Impression: I first saw this one on video, but this was a movie that almost guaranteed me liking it. Based on a small novel, starring Paul Giamatti, directed by Alexander Payne. Indeed, I liked it so much, I've never even thought of reading the book it was based on. That's usually a bad sign, but here, it is high praise.
Best Line: (The "fucking Merlot" one is most famous, but I liked this exchange)
Maya: So is it kind of about death and mortality, or...?
Miles Raymond: Mrnmm, yeah... but not really. It shifts around a lot. Like you also start to see everything from the point of view of the father. And some other stuff happens, some parallel narrative, and then it evolves - or devolves - into a kind of a Robbe-Grillet mystery - with no real resolution.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: The waitress having sex with her husband.
Pretty Girls: Virginia Madsen did age nicely (see what I did there?). But stop it all you critics trying to tell us Sandra Oh is attractive. She just isn't. Charming, maybe, but not at all hot. This also applies to Vera Farmiga. I don't know why movie critics keep trying to sell these women to us, but I'm going to see "Up In the Air" anyway. And Vera Farmiga will still be kinda ugly.
Best Scene: Miles getting drunk at the wine tasting, and eventually doing the drunk dial. We all want to reach out into the screen and physically stop him. Cringeworthyness on a David Brent scale.
Rewatchability: 8. You can tell the actors are all having fun, and goddamn I could watch Paul Giamatti read the phone book. Which would be better than "John Adams".
24. Best in Show (2000)
Best Line: Buck Laughlin: Look at Scott! He is prancing along with the dog! Man, I tell you something, if you live in my neighborhood and you're dressed like that, you'd better be a hotel doorman.
"Holy Shit!' Moment: Not really applicable here, though I guess the result of the show could count.
Pretty Girls: Parker Posey is some kinda alright, always. And Catherine O'Hara would be a cougar if that weren't such a dumbass doucheface term.
Best Scene: The Swans torture a pet shop clerk looking for a dog toy.
Meg Swan: I didn't ask for your opinion. I asked for a toy that you don't have!
Rewatchability: 10. As with any Christopher Guest movie. Every single sentence in his movies is funny, after you watch them enough.
23. American Splendor (2003).
Best Line: Harvey Pekar: You might as well know right off the bat, I had a vasectomy.
"Holy Shit!" Moment: This isn't that kind of movie.
Pretty Girls: Hope Davis is an attractive woman, but here? Um, no.
Best Scene: Harvey's friend talking him into seeing "Revenge of the Nerds".
Harvey Pekar: What movie could be worth driving 260 miles round trip for?
Toby Radloff: It's a new film called "Revenge of the Nerds". It's about a group of nerd college students who are being picked on all the time by the jocks. So they decide to take revenge.
Harvey Pekar: So what you're saying is, you identify with those nerds.
Toby Radloff: Yes. I consider myself a nerd. And this movie has uplifted me. There's this one scene, where a nerd grabs the microphone during a pep rally and announces that he is a nerd and that he is proud of it and stands up for the rights of other nerds.
Harvey Pekar: Right on.
Toby Radloff: Then he asks all the kids at the pep rally who think they are nerds to come forward, so nearly everybody in the place does. That's the way the movie ends.
Harvey Pekar: Uhhmmm, so the nerds won, huh?
Toby Radloff: Yes.
Harvey Pekar: All right. Wow, well you know, you got this movie and I'm getting hitched. We both had a good month, huh?
Toby Radloff: Right.
Rewatchability: 8. I think. Still haven't seen this on TV since it came out. Boo, TV!
22. A History Of Violence (2005)
First Impression: This was marketed as an arthouse movie. Which, in a way, I guess it was. Was the title telling us that this was a metaphor for man's inhumanity to man,or that this man (Viggo Mortensen) had a history of violence? It doesn't matter. Because this isn't an arthouse movie. This is a badass movie. And Viggo is a badass.
Best Line:
Jack Stall: What am I supposed to call you now? Tom? Joey?
Tom Stall: You're supposed to call me Dad. That's what I am, your Dad. "Holy Shit!" Moment: The sex/rape scene on the staircase.
Pretty Girl: Maria Bello. This movie was relased in the apex of her "Maria Bello gets all kind of naked" phase.
Best Scene: Every scene with William Hurt is fantastic, but the best scene is when Viggo has to drop his "nice guy" facade, and totally fucking breaks that guy's arm. And kills motherfuckers. In front of his son. And now we have a badass movie.
Rewatchability: 8. This isn't a movie that you can pick up halfway through, but if you're lucky enough to catch it from the get-go, you're good.
21. The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)
First Impression: You mean, besides the poster? In case you forgot.
BEST POSTER EVER
Best Line:
Andy Stitzer: [Watching Beth masturbate in the tub] Wow. This is graphic."Holy Shit!" Moment: Andy's morning wood.
Pretty Girls: Goodness, a cornucopia of pretty girls. Elizabeth Banks, Leslie Mann, Kat Dennings, and AH favorite Carla Gallo.
Best Scene: "Kelly Clarkson!"
Rewatchability: 10. As with most good comedies, eventually every line of dialogue become quotable.
The Top 25 Movies of the Aughties: Also Rans
Wassup Hepcats!
OK, now we've all caught our breath from the thrilling countdown of the Top 100 songs of the last decade - and I'm not gonna lie, that drained my chi like a muthafucka - we're gonna switch gears a bit and count down the top 25 movies of that same last decade. Note I wrote "movies" and not "films", because if you call them films you're a pretentious assdouche who probably keeps issues of Cahiers du Cinema on your coffee table even though you don't read them. (If you do read them, then you're a triple assdouche who uses phrases like "pure cinema". Go away. But click on an ad or two first.)
No, just kidding, "film" is okay. I just like to make fun of film school grads, cuz I didn't get accepted.
So! First.
The ones that didn't make it. These were movies I genuinely liked, and before I started ranking this thing I thought they were possibles for the final 25, but they didn't make the short list. In no order of any particulance:
Spider-Man 2
Audition
Jackass
The Incredibles
Pan's Labyrinth
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
The Squid and the Whale
The Savages
Gone Baby Gone
Y Tu Mama Tambien
Observe and Report
Brokeback Mountain
Moulin Rouge! (note: movies with ! in the title automatically excluded from shortlist)
Superbad! (yes, even if it's ironic)
The Prestige
American Psycho
Zodiac
Talk to Her
Grizzly Man
Capturing the Friedmans
My Kid Could Paint That
Lost in Translation
Gladiator
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
Frost/Nixon
Slumdog Millionaire
Mystic River
House of Sand and Fog
Finding Nemo
Requiem for a Dream
Traffic
Sin City
Sexy Beast
Little Miss Sunshine
A Beautiful Mind
X-Men 2
The Departed
Hotel Rwanda
The Bourne Ultimatum
In the Bedroom
Funny People
King Kong
Knocked Up
Ocean's 11
Erin Brockovich
Catch Me if You Can
Big Fish
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Charlie Wilson's War
Pineapple Express
Tropic Thunder
Spirited Away
O Brother Where Art Thou?
Seabiscuit
You Can Count on Me
About Schmidt
Michael Clayton
About a Boy
In America
Bridget Jones's Diary
A Mighty Wind
Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist
Vanilla Sky
Before the Devil Knows You're Dead
King of Kong
Capote
Little Children
In Good Company
So, suck it, those movies.
And here are the ones that made the shortlist, but were cut after careful deliberation.
High Fidelity - The movie that begat Jack Black, for better or worse. Only movie to give me inside jokes with 2 different people: "Belle and Sebastian...." with Crow, and "A Caaahhh-sby sweat-ah!" with Mrs. Hepster.
Charlie's Angels - Damn right. I'm pissed this didn't make the Top 25. I was looking forward to the arguments. This here is pure cinema.
Children of Men - This was actually a last minute removal from the Top 25, because it's been on cable all month, and I've only put it on a couple of times. Not great on rewatchability, but amazing the first time I saw it.
District 9 - I have to see it again. Maybe it belongs up there.
Punch Drunk Love - Another tough cut. This one ranks high on rewatchability for me.
Wall-E - I just couldn't have two animated movies in the Top 25. This got cut because it didn't give up the sniffles.
City of God - I just couldn't remember enough about it to put it in the Top 25. All I remember is sitting on my bed, watching the DVD and continually exclaiming, "This movie is awesome!" Intoxicants may have been involved.
So - next is 25-11, and then 10-1 (aka the Top Ten). Hoping to have both of them up this weekend, but maybe only one. So you know what you'll be getting, we're gonna break this down by:
OK, now we've all caught our breath from the thrilling countdown of the Top 100 songs of the last decade - and I'm not gonna lie, that drained my chi like a muthafucka - we're gonna switch gears a bit and count down the top 25 movies of that same last decade. Note I wrote "movies" and not "films", because if you call them films you're a pretentious assdouche who probably keeps issues of Cahiers du Cinema on your coffee table even though you don't read them. (If you do read them, then you're a triple assdouche who uses phrases like "pure cinema". Go away. But click on an ad or two first.)
No, just kidding, "film" is okay. I just like to make fun of film school grads, cuz I didn't get accepted.
So! First.
The ones that didn't make it. These were movies I genuinely liked, and before I started ranking this thing I thought they were possibles for the final 25, but they didn't make the short list. In no order of any particulance:
Spider-Man 2
Audition
Jackass
The Incredibles
Pan's Labyrinth
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
The Squid and the Whale
The Savages
Gone Baby Gone
Y Tu Mama Tambien
Observe and Report
Brokeback Mountain
Moulin Rouge! (note: movies with ! in the title automatically excluded from shortlist)
Superbad! (yes, even if it's ironic)
The Prestige
American Psycho
Zodiac
Talk to Her
Grizzly Man
Capturing the Friedmans
My Kid Could Paint That
Lost in Translation
Gladiator
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
Frost/Nixon
Slumdog Millionaire
Mystic River
House of Sand and Fog
Finding Nemo
Requiem for a Dream
Traffic
Sin City
Sexy Beast
Little Miss Sunshine
A Beautiful Mind
X-Men 2
The Departed
Hotel Rwanda
The Bourne Ultimatum
In the Bedroom
Funny People
King Kong
Knocked Up
Ocean's 11
Erin Brockovich
Catch Me if You Can
Big Fish
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Charlie Wilson's War
Pineapple Express
Tropic Thunder
Spirited Away
O Brother Where Art Thou?
Seabiscuit
You Can Count on Me
About Schmidt
Michael Clayton
About a Boy
In America
Bridget Jones's Diary
A Mighty Wind
Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist
Vanilla Sky
Before the Devil Knows You're Dead
King of Kong
Capote
Little Children
In Good Company
So, suck it, those movies.
And here are the ones that made the shortlist, but were cut after careful deliberation.
THE SEMI-FINALISTS
Cast Away - A perfect movie for commercial breaks. You've seen it a few times, and it's always on TBS or TNT, so when you're watching a game or something, you can just switch over for a few minutes. And sometimes it just gets stuck on that channel.High Fidelity - The movie that begat Jack Black, for better or worse. Only movie to give me inside jokes with 2 different people: "Belle and Sebastian...." with Crow, and "A Caaahhh-sby sweat-ah!" with Mrs. Hepster.
Charlie's Angels - Damn right. I'm pissed this didn't make the Top 25. I was looking forward to the arguments. This here is pure cinema.
Children of Men - This was actually a last minute removal from the Top 25, because it's been on cable all month, and I've only put it on a couple of times. Not great on rewatchability, but amazing the first time I saw it.
District 9 - I have to see it again. Maybe it belongs up there.
Punch Drunk Love - Another tough cut. This one ranks high on rewatchability for me.
Wall-E - I just couldn't have two animated movies in the Top 25. This got cut because it didn't give up the sniffles.
City of God - I just couldn't remember enough about it to put it in the Top 25. All I remember is sitting on my bed, watching the DVD and continually exclaiming, "This movie is awesome!" Intoxicants may have been involved.
So - next is 25-11, and then 10-1 (aka the Top Ten). Hoping to have both of them up this weekend, but maybe only one. So you know what you'll be getting, we're gonna break this down by:
- First impression
- Best line
- "Holy Shit!" moments
- Pretty girls
- Best scene
- Rewatchability
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
The Worst Movie of the Decade
Wassup Hepcats.
So you know we're doing this whole decade retrospective thing, we just finished counting down the best 100 songs of the aughties. That was cool, right? And we've got some more countdowns on the way. In fact, tomorrow (maybe) we're gonna start the top 25 Movies of the Aughties.
But, as Julie Chen would say, but first....
But "Bringing Down the House" was the first movie I'd ever seen that starred recognizable actors (including two great comic actors, Steve Martin and Eugene Levy) where I wondered if any of them had ever had a conversation with another human being. This movie felt like someone told aliens about black people and white people, and then made them write a movie about it.
I only watched this once, and it was six years ago, but don't you think a middle aged white guy said something like "Oh snap!" at some point? That almost definitely happened.
Quotes (from IMDB):
Howie Rottman: I'd like to dip you in Cheez Wiz and spread you all over a Ritz cracker, if I'm not being too subtle.
Charlene Morton: Boy, you some kinda freaky!
Howie Rottman: Oh, you have no idea. You got me straight trippin', boo! Peter Sanderson: I message for you. Howie says, 'The cool points out the window and you got him all twisted up in the game.'
Charlene Morton: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Charlene Morton: I kicked it off the heezy and bounced... fo' real, tho!
Peter Sanderson: What did you just say?
Ashley: Compliments of Tae-Bo: 2 hours a day 5 days a week.
Charlene Morton: Compliments of the hood: 24 hours a day all my life!
Well, I could just do that all day. Let's see what the Real People on IMDB had to say,
Comedy of the year!, 23 December 2005
So you know we're doing this whole decade retrospective thing, we just finished counting down the best 100 songs of the aughties. That was cool, right? And we've got some more countdowns on the way. In fact, tomorrow (maybe) we're gonna start the top 25 Movies of the Aughties.
But, as Julie Chen would say, but first....
THE WORST MOVIE OF THE DECADE
Okay, I'm sure there were worse movies. Most of them had the word "movie" in the title. And some others were directed by Michael Bay. But no one expected those to be anything more than awful. And this wasn't something that the first person outside of Hollywood saw a clip of and knew it would immediately be terrible. That was "Tiptoes".
And "Bringing Down the House" also wasn't the most disappointing terrible movie of the decade, either. That was "Spanglish".
But "Bringing Down the House" was the first movie I'd ever seen that starred recognizable actors (including two great comic actors, Steve Martin and Eugene Levy) where I wondered if any of them had ever had a conversation with another human being. This movie felt like someone told aliens about black people and white people, and then made them write a movie about it.
I only watched this once, and it was six years ago, but don't you think a middle aged white guy said something like "Oh snap!" at some point? That almost definitely happened.
Quotes (from IMDB):
Howie Rottman: I'd like to dip you in Cheez Wiz and spread you all over a Ritz cracker, if I'm not being too subtle.
Charlene Morton: Boy, you some kinda freaky!
Howie Rottman: Oh, you have no idea. You got me straight trippin', boo!
Charlene Morton: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Charlene Morton: I kicked it off the heezy and bounced... fo' real, tho!
Peter Sanderson: What did you just say?
Ashley: Compliments of Tae-Bo: 2 hours a day 5 days a week.
Charlene Morton: Compliments of the hood: 24 hours a day all my life!
Well, I could just do that all day. Let's see what the Real People on IMDB had to say,
Comedy of the year!, 23 December 2005
Author: nbickerstaff from United Kingdom
This movie was amazing, Steve Martin and Queen Latifah are a great team they made the whole movie so much fun. When Peter Sanderson (Martin) expects a date with a classy lawyer at his home, instead a large loud woman just out of prison Charlene (Latifah), appears on his doorstep and comes into his home and his life with a bang! At the end of this hilarious movie after a whole lot of havoc Charlene and Peter actually build up a good relationship despite their differences. All of the cast were brilliantly picked including Peters hilarious assistant (Eugene Levy) Mrs Arness (Joan Plowright) and The Sanderson kids, they all contributed to making this film the movie of 2003! Yeah, well, fuck you nbickerstaff from United Kingdom. This movie clogged up my Netflix for like three months before I finally let it come through, and (obviously) I'm still mad about it. Everyone involved in this piece of shit should be summarily executed, except Steve Martin, who must have needed a new pool or something. Sorry, Eugene Levy, even the Christopher Guest movies don't absolve you here.
Anyway.
Top 25 Motion Pictures of the Aughties starts tomorrow. Maybe. If I've calmed down.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
"The Wizard of Oz"
Wassup Hepcats!
So the twinnies have been enjoying a picture that's been playing on cable television lately, a picture called "The Wizard of Oz". It's fairly old, but you've prolly heard of it. Wicked Witch, "We're not in Kansas anymore", Toto, "I"m melting!", "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain", flying monkeys, et cetera. Dorothy you may recognize from slutty Halloween costumes.
I confess I've never been a fan. In fact, I'm not sure I'd ever seen the whole movie straight through until we watched it in college after smoking pot and synching it up to "The Dark Side of The Moon". (By the by, getting high and watching the Lollipop Guild Munchkins do that little dance, well... if you've never done it, I won't ruin it for you.)
So this week was really the first time I've sat and watched it. And some things stuck out - the effects and whole mood of the picture hold up better than you'd think they would. Not the Munchkins, though, some of them have weird Alvin and the Chipmunk voices, and when they sing they gesture and point at each other like sophomores in the high school play.
But one thing was this: The Tin Man was gay.
So the twinnies have been enjoying a picture that's been playing on cable television lately, a picture called "The Wizard of Oz". It's fairly old, but you've prolly heard of it. Wicked Witch, "We're not in Kansas anymore", Toto, "I"m melting!", "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain", flying monkeys, et cetera. Dorothy you may recognize from slutty Halloween costumes.
I confess I've never been a fan. In fact, I'm not sure I'd ever seen the whole movie straight through until we watched it in college after smoking pot and synching it up to "The Dark Side of The Moon". (By the by, getting high and watching the Lollipop Guild Munchkins do that little dance, well... if you've never done it, I won't ruin it for you.)
So this week was really the first time I've sat and watched it. And some things stuck out - the effects and whole mood of the picture hold up better than you'd think they would. Not the Munchkins, though, some of them have weird Alvin and the Chipmunk voices, and when they sing they gesture and point at each other like sophomores in the high school play.
But one thing was this: The Tin Man was gay.
GAY TRAILBLAZER
I'm not sure whose choice this was. He was called the Tin Woodman in the book, which is definitely kinda gay. I've never read the book, but a careful Wikipedia search reveals that it was published in 1900, so we're gonna go ahead and rule out Original Source Material. The actor playing the Tin Man was Jack Haley, who would later play for the Chicago Bulls and be friends with Dennis Rodman. Solid maybe. Also, Buddy Ebsen (who was a hero to most, but he never meant shit to me) was cast to play the Tin Man, but was allergic to the paint and almost died. Hard to imagine Jed Clampett gaying it up as the Woodman. So we're gonna give this to Jack Haley as artistic license.
Some Facebook commenters have pointed out that no one in this story is a paragon of butch masculinity. Could a case be made that The Scarecrow, The Cowardly Lion, or even Toto were not candidates for opposite marriage? No, and that's homophobic just thinking it. And plus, this is a children's movie! We are obviously a gay-friendly household, but to insinuate a little dog is gay just because he's little and cute? For shame.
Plus, have you SEEN the Tin Man? (Look above. Case Closed.)
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Friday TV Recap
So I watched The Office and 30 Rock on DVR, then watched the end of Juno on HBO.
THE OFFICE
Solid ep, much improved upon last week's weird Mafia show, which was devoid of the ha-ha's. Loved Ryan's douchey fedora, and, "That reminds me, you owe me 3 bucks for gas." I think Ryan is my favorite character now, but only because the writers seem to have forgotten about Creed.
Dwight's spy-mallard was funny, but I really wish Jim's prank was better. Esp. after teasing us with the "National Treasure" line. Missed opportunity.
3.5 Kevin fist-bumps out of 5
30 ROCK
Good to see this show is still the most consistently funny, and quotable show on television (Modern Family is a close second right now). Tracy with his reef shark: "You need to put that in the tub, with a reef." That killed me. And a hearty welcome bank to Devon Banks (pouring out a little liquor for "Arrested Development"). "By the time I'm done, you're going to make AIG look like the Lehman Brothers of Microwaves!"
4 Astronaut Ice Creams out of 5
THE END OF "JUNO" ON HBO
So we put it on, probably more than halfway through, and somehow it just got stuck on the channel. Then about 20 minutes before the end, the wifey says, "I'm just thinking about the end of the movie and I'm about to cry", and I didn't say anything, cuz I was too, but I'm ruff and stuff with my afro puffs so I don't admit things like that. Except on the internet. I don't what it is about this movie, but when the camera pans over to Jennifer Garner in the hospital nursery (spoiler), ach.
Also, Jason Bateman is in it (pouring out a little liquor for "Arrested Development".)
5 Hamburger Phones out of 5
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