A quick note on Top Chef. Normally, I hate that wang judge Toby with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns, but he hasn't really been that bad this season. And Aging Hepster Girlfriend Gail Simmons, when she has been on the show, hasn't really represented. That dress she wore the other night almost cost her AHG status. Let's pick it up Simmons. Less armflowers, more cleavage.
But now we're down to 5, and the Top Four we all saw coming since week 3 is still in place: The Red Ewok, Douchebag 1 and Douchebag 2, and Jennifer. And then Eli Baggins.
The Aging Hepster is officially endorsing The Red Ewok, after Jennifer seemingly caught a case of the yips (wiki Ankiel, Rick or Sax, Steve if you aren't a baseball fan). It was neck and neck all year, and while Jennifer is nice to look at, the Red Ewok is just so durn cute with his bald spot and tiny eyes. And Douchebag 1 is actually alright, if only because he hates his little brother. But still:
OFFICIALLY ENDORSED!
Tunes!
This is the end of the first half of The Top 100 Songs of the Aughties. We will continue with 50 - 41 in December. Be strong, Hepcats.
60. "Arizona" - Pedro the Lion (Achilles' Heel, 2004) A bizarre love triangle in which the state of New Mexico suspects his girlfriend Arizona of hooking up with California. Really, that's it. New Mexico engages in fisticuffs. It does not end well.
59. "If I Ever Leave This World Alive" - Flogging Molly (Drunken Lullabies, 2002) I'll be honest, that doesn't make any sense to me either. How would one leave this world alive? But right around the time you start questioning the logic, the beat kicks in, and you are doing a fucking REEL.
58. "Trains" - Chris Blake (Wave, 2008) Aw, man, is there anything worse than not knowing when, or if, she's coming home?
57. "Spectacular Views" - Rilo Kiley (The Execution of All Things, 2002) Jenny Lewis says "fuck" more beautifully than any singer in history. When she sings, "It's so fucking beautiful", it really is.
56. "Daniel" - Bat for Lashes (Two Suns, 2009) The video seems to suggest that this song is about Daniel LaRusso. And if you listen to it that way, among the cinders and rain, the embers and fire, it makes sense. "I dream of home," she sings. Home in the All-Valley Tournament, I bet.
55. "This Year" - Mountain Goats (The Sunset Tree, 2005) An anthem about a 17 year old boy leaving the house, making out with a drunk chick named Cathy, and tearing home in time to get the shit beat out of him by his stepfather. "I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me." The emancipation of 18.
54. "Me & Mia" - Ted Leo & The Pharmacists (Shake the Sheets, 2004) Providence represent! Probably not about Ms. Mia Wallace. But I pretend it is.
53. "Massive Nights" - The Hold Steady (Boys and Girls in America, 2006) Well if this isn't the Aging Hepster Theme Song, I don't know what is. Someday Hepcats, we'll have sponsors, and those sponsors will offer all of us Hold Steady tix. And we will have Massive Nights.
52. "Release the Stars" - Rufus Wainwright (Release The Stars, 2008) Rufus can write a great a pop song when he wants to. And this is a great pop ballad, Sinatra would have been proud to record it. For Reprise, though, not Capitol.
51. "The Crane Wife 1 & 2" - The Decemberists (The Crane Wife, 2006) A pet peeve: "concept albums" where you would have no idea there was a concept behind the album if you hadn't read about it in SPIN, or if the album title didn't include a Roman numeral or a colon. The Crane Wife suffers no such pretention: it beings with "The Crane Wife 3", kinda like how Pulp Fiction starts off with Ringo and Honey Bunny. But we get the whole story eventually, and we get it in an expository ballad that provides the climax of the album.
And we will continue The Top 100 Songs of the Aughties in December.
Stay tuned for something fun.
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